To be loved or to be respected

Often times you demand respect from the people around you. But I believe that it is better to be loved, liked and adored by humanity, especially the ones who are your friends and who you do not have a professional/work relationship with.

In professional relationships, it is quite ok to demand respect for your abilities and talents-otherwise people will lose respect for your abilities and you will become a pushover (mentioned by Smith in Moral Sentiments). But in intimate relationships with friends and family, with your children, your parents, your siblings, it is a good thing if you do NOT expect respect. The communication becomes more open and frank, and you become closer to them at a more conscious level by doing so. Direct honest communication with people you care about and who care about you is a wonderful thing to have.

If power hungry dictators and dominant types would realize this-the world would be so much better. Their goal should be to be loved and adored by people, and not to demand submissive, slavish respect. In that sense you can see that they are really children-children like to feel in control and like submission, it boosts their ego so to speak, but a secure adult individual has no need to demand respect from everyone; they should try to gain their love. The only exception is in professional circles where people will underestimate you if you do not demand respect. If you work with your friends, it is necessary for you to demand respect from them in your professional abilities, but not respect in general.

And as Smith said, the surest way of obtaining humanity's love is to show them that you really love them, not just by words, but by your actions.

In fact, in seeking respect from people, you very often will do it at the expense of being loved and liked. They will respect you if you insist, but they will love you less. 


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